Be your OWN spirit guide

 

Most of the time, when I delve into the spiritual community I find myself wary of the content. The internet, and the world, is overflowing with a mass of new age spiritual teachers who promise wealth, abundance, love, and success through the process of Manifesting or working with your Spirit Guides, but what does all of this really mean, and does it really work? 

And I, of course, have a few problems with these messages, but not for the reasons you may assume. 

Let's talk manifesting.

Manifesting first came onto the spiritual main stage through the book, 'The Secret', which teaches the universal law of attraction: like attracts like. You probably first heard of this law in one of your middle school science classes, as it applies to forces in the universe - but how does it apply to spirituality? In 'The Secret', the Law of Attraction is used as a tool to get everything in life you want. For example, if you focus on - or visualize - peacocks, the law of attraction states that you will somehow manifest (or attract) them into your life. IF you focus only on positive thoughts and visualize what you want in life, those things will be attracted to you. Now, I have no problem with the law of attraction. Actually, In some way or form I do believe in aspects of it. We all know that if a person focuses on negativity, then all they will see in life is negativity. But, can just focusing on what you want in life ENSURE that you will manifest it into your reality? Yes, and, no. 

Here's my perspective. 

The problem with the idea of manifesting is that it lacks action. As long as a person visualizes more money they will get it, but this is not true. In order to manifest positive change into your life, there needs to be equal parts visualization and practical action. And this is where you become your own spirit guides. 

When manifesting a positive change into you life, whether it be a relationship or new job, you need to sit down and make a list of ways YOU can lead the way. If you want a new job, start looking at job boards, update your resume, start attending professional development workshops in your area, or begin volunteering and making connections in your new profession of choice. Then, after YOU have put forth the positive changes into action, surrender what you can not control to the law of attraction. This is where visualization can work. Visualization can help keep you positively focused on the pieces you have put into play, and it allows for more positive experiences to enter your life. Manifesting, visualizing, or talking to spirit guides can help you incorporate positive energy into the aspects of life that we can not control. The combination of positive focus and action alongside visualization and manifestation is an incredibly powerful force increasing the life you want. But, never think that sitting back and merely visualizing everything you want  will help you get it. 

Spotlight on Spirituality : What to believe?

Sigh.....spirituality, where to start? First of all, I do consider myself a deeply spiritual person, but I constantly struggle between where my spiritual beliefs fall alongside with my beliefs in science and reason. If you are active in the spiritual community or in the spiritual YouTube community, you are aware that there are many, many, many different types of spiritual teachers active in the world today. Some teachers insist on the existence of fairies or dragons, and go so far as to even create YouTube videos entitled 'How to see a fairy'. Others claim that some people are actually souls of alien races (pleidians, andromedans, reptilians, etc) who are here to help aide the world in spiritual healing. A nice idea, but quite irrational. The more 'traditional' spiritual teachers speak of Guardian Angels or how to find your Spirit Guide. And then there are those teachers who preach the vegan diet to all of their followers, and seem to vilify any person who consumes meat. And...don't even get me started on Bretharianism! (the belief that a human being can live on only divine energy, and have no need to consume any food other than water) So, after all of this preaching, how is a reasonable person supposed to take any of these spiritual teachers seriously?!

First of all, I don't believe that fairies or dragons exist and I also don't believe that the vegan diet is the right choice for every person's body, which is why I consistently struggle between the diverse amount of spiritual teachings that exist  and my need to exert a sense of reasonableness in the world.
I can  not say for certain that there are definitively no human's who have souls from an alien race - but, to me, it seems highly unlikely. And I can also not say that there are no Guardian Angels or Spirits looking out for us, which is actually a belief  I have an easier time participating in, probably due to the fact that I was raised in a Christian household/society. But I guess that the double edged sword of spirituality, or any religion, is faith -  the fact that none of the beliefs can yet be proven by reason or science. Myths and stories of most religions are extremely unreasonable. Take in point the idea that Jesus walked on water. Any rational person knows that walking on water is impossible, and most serious theologians view the supernatural Bible myths as allegories for a larger life lesson, i.e. if you believe in the teachings of Christ you can achieve unbelievable feats - like walking on water. But, what I find funny about some spiritual teachers is that they may insist on the existence of fairies, but would never insist on the 'truth' of those supernatural Bible stories, when in 'reality', both are equally as irrational and unlikely.  So how the heck is a reasonable person supposed to be spiritual?

In my opinion, which isn't worth much, it is best to take the middle road. On the middle road, reasonableness and spirituality co-exist in harmony. The middle road allows for the understanding that science does not know everything about the Universe, therefore, making any sort of religious or spiritual absoluteness baseless. This leaves the door open for all possibilities. Yes there is a possibility that things like faeries or spiritual alien races exist, but only so far as we have not yet proven that they dont. Because we do not know anything FOR SURE, we can leave this door open for pondering existence, while not participating in a fundamentalist belief system. The middle road allows for the existence of all of these magical and supernatural beings, but in a theoretical sense. Do they exist? Do they not exist? All we do know for sure, is that we do not. On the middle road, the possibilities are endless. On this spiritual path I am constantly amazed by the possibilities that lie within our vast universe, and I only wish that I could live long enough to see some of the mysteries uncovered. In my opinion, the best spiritual path allows for the existence of these mysteries while promoting a life of harmony. Harmony with the Earth and each other, as well as deep introspection into personal emotional and physical health.

I don't mean to vilify any person's belief system, but I think that a dose of reasonableness needs to be injected into the current spiritual community. These best belief is one without absolutes and without a sense of reason, human beings are susceptible to getting duped into following a dangerous spiritual leader, one who may lead them down a path of destruction. (ex. Jim Jones)

Getting What You Want Won't Make You Happy

Don't be shocked by the title of this post, I am a full blown optimist! But it wasn't until after I had experienced a life threatening illness, years of clinical depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts for me to realize what the heck happiness actually is.

As a child, growing up in America I idolized material culture without even realizing it. Spending time watching TV and movies informed me that success and happiness only comes from external sources like material wealth and  'things' that we can buy. We have all heard the saying, "Money doesn't buy happiness," but I'm not sure any of us reaaaaaly believe/d it. Of course money would make me happy, it sure as hell would make life a lot easier! But living in a culture that promotes the idea of external happiness through material wealth has seriously perverted our understanding of what happiness actually is and how to attain it.

First of all, let me just say, happiness isn't attained. It just IS. Happiness is the balanced and original state of humanity and life. Think of yourself as baby, rather - think of any baby you have ever come in contact with. Babies are the purest form of life. They exist in the state that we are forced to forget. Babies don't worry about bills, about success, about society, about family, friends, work, etc. They just exist as they are. Of course, existing in your purest state of happiness is easier said than done after spending years in a perspective of the world as a harsh, unruly place that only values people who have money or objects. But happiness truly is all around us, all we have to do is SHIFT our perspective in order to see us. We have to choose to see happiness.

Growing up I experienced certain kinds of childhood traumas that left me clinically depress and suicidal for years. I had developed and anxiety disorder and symptoms of PTSD without even realizing it. Through out my teenage years I was in and out of therapists and on any kind of medication that would leave me comatose to the world around me. Of course, no one saw what was really going on. I was skilled at diverting my depression through humor and jokes - always the 'class clown'. But once I got to college, and moved out of my parents house, these symptoms of depression and anxiety magically disappear (imagine that). But at the beginning of my sophomore year of college I was whisked back home by a life threatening, and mysterious, viral infection that would leave me bedridden for a year and fighting for my life. Needless to say, THIS was the darkest period of my life. With no hope from doctors, I often contemplated suicide just to end the amount of physical body pain I was experiencing through my un-treatable illness. I won't go too in depth with what I experienced during those years of my life. Mostly because it is still fresh, and too painful to relive publicly. But it taught me the most important lessons about my life, and motivated me to inspire and empower others to take control of their personal health and happiness.

After 3 years in therapy to treat my depression, anxiety, and PTSD (the mental health toll of a life threatening illness) and years of multiple doctors visits, alternative treatments, spiritual literature, diet changes, and natural supplements - I was able to heal myself from the inside out, and this journey taught me that happiness is not something that is attained by getting that job you want, or buying that car, or taking a trip to that place - it is attained by realizing it was there all along.

Think about it, how many times have you envisioned some object that you want - maybe a car - but once you attain that object, you go right back to however you felt before. This is because you have not realized the happiness within you. Objects will never be able to sustain a state of happiness, they may make us feel great for awhile, but eventually you always go right back to the way you were feeling before.

So, how do we realize that we create our own happiness? Basically, we have to stop trying to get happiness. Give up on being happy. Giving up allows you to truly let happiness into your life. If you are striving for happiness, you are ignoring the happiness that is already there - your focus is still external to yourself. Happiness isn't always easy, and we may not live in an eternal state of bliss. But accepting the happiness within you, and making an effort to change your perspective, truly allows you to be happy NOW, rather than in some imaginary future when you have everything you want.

Now is all we have, and happiness is there for the taking!
I hope this post will inspire you to make small changes through out your day that will aide you in shifting your perspective as to allow more happiness to naturally occur in your life, everyday.

Until next time,
Feast From Within
xoxo

Fibromyalgia - Working 8-5

As I write this blog post, I am sitting here at my desk. The 2pm energy crash is hitting me and I am brought right back into constant awareness of my illness. It has been almost a month and a half since I started working an 8-5 job and my body has yet to adjust to the transition. Each day is a struggle against my fatigue and pain. I am lucky enough to be able to work and make it through the day, but right as I get home I crash on the couch and fall fast asleep. My life has now become a repeating cycle of waking, working, and sleeping. The only breaks I take are to eat lunch and do stretches at my desk. Oh yes, did I mention I am working a desk job? Holding a job with a chronic illness is difficult. We often can't work many hours and are limited to the type of jobs we are able to hold. Therefore, I thought that a desk job would be less stress on my energy and muscle pain; however, I am realizing that sitting in an office chair for upwards of 8hrs a day is not necessarily conducive to optimal health. I make sure to take a break each hour to get up and do my yoga stretches, but the stretches only seem to provide temporary relief to the stiffness, soreness, and pain in my muscles.
My job isn't especially difficult, it is mostly just data entry and office work and occasionally answering phones. Yet I am still fighting against my fatigue. Each day I contemplate asking to decrease my hours, knowing that I need more time to rest and sleep. But my Type A personality tells me to keep pushing, I've been through this before, and that eventually my body will adjust to the hours and working conditions. But I can't say for sure that those things will happen. As with all this Fibro - we can never know how our body will handle new challenges or day-to-day activities. But I don't want to give up. I WON'T GIVE UP!

I love my job. I work for an amazing Zoo and get to work with wonderful people everyday. It is truly a positive work environment to be in, and I am so grateful to have this opportunity to increase my own personal independence in life and to make more money. However, my absolute love for my job and my gratitiude for what it has given me is most likely what is holding me back from taking a step back and working less hours.

As many of you may know, living with a chronic illness can strip away many aspects of life that others may take for granted. Things like, social lives, education opportunity, relationships, family, friends, and jobs. Therefore, once we gain some of these aspects back into our lives, we are reluctant to let them go. I find myself clutching onto my job and the positive aspects of a social life that I have been able to reintegrate back into my life along my road to recovery.

But sometimes we have to remember to let go. Things in life come and go, and we can not control what we may or may not have at any give point. It is imperative for those who live with a chronic illness to understand when to step back, when to let go, and when to re-evaluate certain aspects of our lives in order to keep our body in a healthy environment.

I'm not sure what I will do in my 8-5 job. Maybe I will ask to decrease my hours, or maybe I will push through the transition and try to build more stamina in the face of fatigue. All I do know for sure is that every day I take conscious steps to promote health in my body through diet, spirituality, yoga, and relaxation.

I hope you are all well and treating you bodies with the peace and love they deserve.

And don't forget to Feast From Within

xoxo

Spirituality and Chronic Pain

- An Ever Present Awareness of the Body-

Living with chronic pain and chronic illness has brought me closer to the ever present awareness of the human form, the body. I am in constant awareness of my body. What affects my body. 

My mood. 

My surrounding. 

Stress. Emotions. 

What I eat. 

How much I sleep. 

Exercise.

Friendships. 

Relationships. 

Family.

Everything affects how my body feels. 

Living with chronic pain or chronic illness raises awareness of what we put our body through. Even small daily occurrences - like going to the store - can become large, painful, and stressful events. We are forced to be constantly aware of limits and our surroundings. 

We begin to rationalize our lives. Try to see what we have time and energy to 'fit' in. It becomes a formula, a format. We begin to think, 

" Do I have the time or energy for this relationship?"

"Do the costs of time, energy, and pain outweigh the benefits of this relationship?"

"Do I have the energy to go to the store?"

To work? 

To have a 'life'?

We MUST consider these things daily. Often we plan our day around small events in order to have just enough energy and painless moments to do the smallest of things (shop, shower, socialize. etc)

We begin to think, "Is this life?"

Dark thoughts have easy access to our minds. They begin to make homes in our consciousness. We begin to feel lost. A complete sense of independence stolen, causing a devastating loss in our sense-of-self, our core identity gone. 

We want to be able to do everything again. To do what everyone else can do. We want to play with the other kids again. We don't want to sit on the sidelines anymore. 

But, chronic pain is a blessing. 

It is a gift.

Granted, it was never a gift I wanted. And it was not cherished when first received. It was placed in the deepest, darkest corner of the psyche. 

IT was rejected. 

It was ignored. 

So that it could not be real. 

But it is real.

 It is present. 

And it is NOT going away.

It wasn't the gift I wanted. But it was the gift I got. And it had a lot to teach me. 

The real gift wasn't the pain, but the awareness. 

I used to be so proud of my independence. I didn't think I needed anyone for anything and I thought I could do everything on my own. In my reality, I could take care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally - and no one could tell me differently. 

But now I realize that it was all an illusion. My idea of independence wasn't self-reliance, it was self-sabotage, it was based in FEAR.

FEAR of others.

FEAR of love. 

FEAR of care.

I didn't want to ask anyone for help, because I didn't truly believe that I would get it, and if I did I thought it would come iwht a price - I would be hurt, somehow, emotionally. If I let myself open-up and be vulnerable, someone could crawl in and tear out the parts of me that could still feel. 

This fear of relying on, or opening up to others is truly a result of childhood. An aspect of life that deeply affects us all. Growing up in a home where I was not cared for mentally, physically, or emotionally by my parents - instilled in me a sense that I can not trust those who are the closest to me. That I can not trust those whom I am truly dependent on. That I can not expect others to take care of me. 

This realization was terrifying. At a young age, an age where I was dependent on others to care for me, I felt so abandoned. So alone. So afraid that I would not survive. I am surprised I survived. I don't know how.

But I did. 

I survived.

and I thrived. 

And then I got ill. Once I got sick I was thrown right back into a state of complete dependence on others. Complete dependence in order to survive. I was in the exact state I was in as a child. I could not care for myself, and my needs were often neglected by my parents. 

I was left praying to die. 

Somehow I didn't

I don't know why.

I was forced to be completely dependent on others - and I hated it! I didn't trust anyone and I thought the world was cruel for forcing me to face death, forcing me to pray for death, and forcing me to abandon all previous experiences or ideas of self, of independence. 

I had to look at the darkest aspects of life. I saw them. I saw the infinite darkness. Infinity. Existence. Death. I saw them all in the face and I didn't loose myself. I came back. I didn't die.

To this day I still struggle with what it means to be 'independent'. Chronic pain and illness has stripped me of my previous beliefs that 'I don't need anyone' and 'I don't need help'.

Chronic pain and illness forced me to realize that I do need help, that we all need help. And this was the gift that kept on giving. 

Humans have humans. 

That is how we survive. 

That is how we thrive. 

We care for each other. 

And in doing so we care for ourselves.

Understanding our helplessness. Our reliance on each other to continue living. To continue thriving. To continue existing on this Earth - Opened my awareness to what it means to be independent.

We are not separate.

We are not each our own. 

We are one.

There is no independence,

There is only interdependence