As I write this blog post, I am sitting here at my desk. The 2pm energy crash is hitting me and I am brought right back into constant awareness of my illness. It has been almost a month and a half since I started working an 8-5 job and my body has yet to adjust to the transition. Each day is a struggle against my fatigue and pain. I am lucky enough to be able to work and make it through the day, but right as I get home I crash on the couch and fall fast asleep. My life has now become a repeating cycle of waking, working, and sleeping. The only breaks I take are to eat lunch and do stretches at my desk. Oh yes, did I mention I am working a desk job? Holding a job with a chronic illness is difficult. We often can't work many hours and are limited to the type of jobs we are able to hold. Therefore, I thought that a desk job would be less stress on my energy and muscle pain; however, I am realizing that sitting in an office chair for upwards of 8hrs a day is not necessarily conducive to optimal health. I make sure to take a break each hour to get up and do my yoga stretches, but the stretches only seem to provide temporary relief to the stiffness, soreness, and pain in my muscles.
My job isn't especially difficult, it is mostly just data entry and office work and occasionally answering phones. Yet I am still fighting against my fatigue. Each day I contemplate asking to decrease my hours, knowing that I need more time to rest and sleep. But my Type A personality tells me to keep pushing, I've been through this before, and that eventually my body will adjust to the hours and working conditions. But I can't say for sure that those things will happen. As with all this Fibro - we can never know how our body will handle new challenges or day-to-day activities. But I don't want to give up. I WON'T GIVE UP!
I love my job. I work for an amazing Zoo and get to work with wonderful people everyday. It is truly a positive work environment to be in, and I am so grateful to have this opportunity to increase my own personal independence in life and to make more money. However, my absolute love for my job and my gratitiude for what it has given me is most likely what is holding me back from taking a step back and working less hours.
As many of you may know, living with a chronic illness can strip away many aspects of life that others may take for granted. Things like, social lives, education opportunity, relationships, family, friends, and jobs. Therefore, once we gain some of these aspects back into our lives, we are reluctant to let them go. I find myself clutching onto my job and the positive aspects of a social life that I have been able to reintegrate back into my life along my road to recovery.
But sometimes we have to remember to let go. Things in life come and go, and we can not control what we may or may not have at any give point. It is imperative for those who live with a chronic illness to understand when to step back, when to let go, and when to re-evaluate certain aspects of our lives in order to keep our body in a healthy environment.
I'm not sure what I will do in my 8-5 job. Maybe I will ask to decrease my hours, or maybe I will push through the transition and try to build more stamina in the face of fatigue. All I do know for sure is that every day I take conscious steps to promote health in my body through diet, spirituality, yoga, and relaxation.
I hope you are all well and treating you bodies with the peace and love they deserve.
And don't forget to Feast From Within
xoxo
